At What Cost
by MonicaKateBingCastle
Summary: After Monica gives birth she feels fat and unattractive, and afraid of losing Chandler. She does something drastic and dangerous.An old fic of mine I've decided to redoC&M, R&R, P&M, J&A...Chapter 2 now up!
1. Chapter 1: Looks Are Everything

This story takes place in the near future. Monica and Chandler are married and living in Westchester, Jack and Erica are 3. Ross and Rachel are married Emma is 5. Phoebe and Mike are married they have one child Sophie she's 2. Joey is engaged to Alex.

Disclaimer: All Friends characters belong to Warner Bros., and NBC 

Title: At What Cost  
Rated PG-13

Summery: After Monica gives birth she feels fat and unattractive, and afraid of losing Chandler. She does something drastic and dangerous.

Chapter 1: Looks Are Everything

Monica sighed softly as she watched her 2-month-old son sleeping peacefully in his crib. She remembered how happy she'd been when she found out that she was finally pregnant after years of trying to conceive. It had been just a few days before her and Chandler's fifth wedding anniversary she'd been feeling sick so she went to the doctor. She told Chandler on their anniversary after their romantic candle lit dinner. He'd had been as happy as she was, that they'd have their baby, that Jack and Erica would have a baby brother or sister.

As the months passed she began to gain weight. She didn't like gaining weight. She'd always whine and say she was getting fat. Chandler always told her she wasn't fat and how beautiful he thought she was. Most of the time she believed him. By the time she was nine months pregnant she felt huge. After 20 hours of agonizing labor Daniel Chandler Bing was born. Seeing her beautiful baby boy had made all the weight gain worth it. He was perfect with Chandler's deep blue eyes and sandy brown hair.

Now as she stood there glancing lovely at her baby boy asleep in her crib she had doubts about it. She loved her baby but after 2 months she still had some baby weight. Chandler told her she was still as beautiful as the day he married her but she didn't feel like his words were true. Whenever she tried to get romantic he found some reason why they shouldn't be doing it. Deep down she felt like it was because she still had some extra weight on her.

Chandler walked into the nursery. "Honey you coming down dinner's ready and the gang is here" he told her. "I...I'm not very hungry" she whispered. "Come on my cooking isn't that bad is it" he joked. With three kids he had started helping her around the house, which he actually didn't mind. She gave him a small smile. "Okay I'm coming" she said softly. "Okay" he said kissing her on the cheek and leaving the room.

Monica glanced down at the baby one last time before leaving the room. She walked downstairs to the dining room. Everybody was seated at the kitchen table. She walked over and sat down next to Chandler. She watched Joey and Alex piling their plates with food. Joey always at a ton and still had a slim athletic figure and his fiancée Alex ate as much as h did and she was gorgeous

Joey looked up at her. "Oh sorry Mon, here" he said handing her the mashed potatoes. Pulling her from her thoughts. " Oh thanks Joe" she whispered putting just a little bit on her plate and setting the bowel down. The food continued to get passed around. Phoebe looked at the burgers "Chandler you know I don't eat meat" she whined. He smiled "I know that's why I made you this" he handed her a plate containing a veggie burger. "Ooh yummy" she said taking it from him.

Everyone was eating but Monica. She just pushed the food around on her plate. Rachel looked over at her. "Mon you okay" she asked. Monica nodded. "Then why aren't you eating" she asked. "Chandler's cooking isn't that terrible" she chuckled. Monica looked at Rachel. After Emma was born her figure returned you couldn't even tell she'd had a baby. Even Phoebe got her figure back after the triplets and little Sophie. She had her baby 2 months ago but her figure didn't return. She had worked too hard to lose all that weight when she was younger. She wasn't going to give Chandler a reason to call her fat again or to leave her. She glanced over at him. She couldn't loose him and she'd do what ever it took to make sure she didn't.

Monica stared at the food on her plate. She couldn't just stop eating. She knew what to do. She'd eat but she wouldn't let it stay in her body. "If all those super models can do it then so can I," she thought as she began to eat. Once her plate was cleared she smiled. "Chandler I've taught you well that was delicious," she told him. "Why thank you Chef Geller Bing," he said with a smile. He got up and cleared the table. "I didn't make dessert but I know its great Rach you'll love it," he said with a grin.

Chandler went into the refrigerator and pulled out a cardboard box. He set it on the table. Rachel's eyes grew wide and her mouth watered "Chandler is that cheesecake from Mama's Little Bakery in Chicago, IL" she asked. "Yes it is," he answered. "Monica you got to try this cheesecake it's so good!" Rachel exclaimed. "Okay maybe just a little piece" Monica answered. Chandler took the cake out and cut 6 slices putting the rest back in its box and in the refrigerator.

Everyone ate their cheesecake in silence. Monica finished hers set her plate in the sink and went to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her. She sat there for several minutes mustering up the courage to make her self throw up. "You wanna keep Chandler then you have to do this," she told herself. She took a deep breath and put her finger in her mouth. A minute later she stood up and flushed the toilet and washed her hands. She opened the door and slowly waked back out to the living room hoping this would work that she'd get her figure back before it was too late, before Chandler left her.

Chapter 2: Showing Signs…

Authors Note: Hello Children I started this fic years ago and decided to re do it and hopefully finish it. I was unable to do proper research before but I am able to this time so hopefully it will be better. Please read, review and let me know what you think. Thanks 


	2. Chapter 2: Showing Signs

This story takes place in the near future. Monica and Chandler are married and living in Westchester, Jack and Erica are 3. Ross and Rachel are married Emma is 5. Phoebe and Mike are married they have one child Sophie she's 2. Joey is engaged to Alex.

Disclaimer: All Friends characters belong to Warner Bros., and NBC 

Title: At What Cost  
Rated PG-13

Summery: After Monica gives birth she feels fat and unattractive, and afraid of losing Chandler. She does something drastic and dangerous.

Chapter 2: Showing Signs

Monica sat alone in her kitchen looking at the box of Krispie Kremes on the table. She was hungry and would have no problem eating the whole box she did it on a regular basis as a teenager but she couldn't afford to gain weight she needed to lose weight. Then she started thinking she could eat the whole box then go to the bathroom and get rid of it. She sighed softly opening the box eating one donut then another and another until the box was empty. She got up tossing the box in the trash before going to the bathroom.

Even though she'd done it several times it still took her a few minutes to make herself throw up. When she was finished she flushed the toilet and washed her face and hands. Chandler had come in with the twins as she came out of the bathroom. "Are you okay honey" he asked seeing his wife's flushed face. "Oh uh yeah I'm fine" she replied hoping he hadn't heard her in the bathroom. "You sure" he asked "I'm sure" she tried to smile "Okay, I brought home a pizza for dinner" he took her hand leading her in the kitchen the twins following.

Chandler watched his wife scarf down several slices of pizza but thought nothing of it figuring she was still used to eating for two. "I...I'll be back I'm going to check on Danny" Monica excused herself and hurried away from the table. Once she was upstairs she went upstairs and got rid of the pizza she'd just ate.

Later that night after the kids were put to bed Monica took a shower and walked to her bedroom in just a towel she smiled seeing her husband in just his boxers "Hey you" she grinned wrapping her arms around him pressing her lips to his kissing him. She pushed him back to the bed pushing him down she took off her towel and straddled him kissing him again but he pulled away "Mon we can't" he said softly "Sure we can" she grinned moving in to kiss him again.

When he pulled away again she got up and ran from the bedroom back to the bathroom. She stood looking at her naked body in the mirror. She frowned "Of course Chandler doesn't want to make love to you, you're too fat" she whispered to herself. She threw on her robe and made her way down to the kitchen tears steaming down her cheeks as she stood looking in the refrigerator pulling out food. After her binge she headed back up to the bathroom to empty her stomach of everything she'd just eaten.

Chandler was coming to look for her when he heard her in the bathroom "Mon" he knocked on the door "Honey are you okay" he asked starting to open the door when it sounded like she was being sick. "Uh yeah I…I'm fine" Monica panicked as she quickly flushed the toilet and washed her hands hoping he hadn't seen her. "Are you sure" he asked putting his hand to her forehead "Yes, I'm fine " she moved away from his touch "Lets go to bed" she left the bathroom. Chandler sighed and followed her hoping she was okay.

A few days later Chandler came in from work to find the twins coloring at the kitchen table "Hey guys where's mommy" he asked, "She's in the potty daddy" Erica answered sweetly. "Thank you princess" he kissed the top of her head and headed upstairs running into Monica coming out of the bathroom "Oh uh hey honey" Monica smiled nervously "Mon are you okay" he asked "I'm fine sweetie" she tried to walk past him but he stopped her grabbing her hand gently. That's when he noticed the marks on her fingers

" Mon what happened to your fingers" he asked "No…Nothing" she pulled her hand away from him "They're old scars from work" she lied "I'm going to go check on Danny and then go start dinner" she hurried past him to the nursery. Chandler watched her with concern something was wrong with his wife he needed to find out what it was.

Chapter 3: I'll Be There For You…Chandler enlists the help of he friends to find out why Monica is acting so weird…Coming soon!

Author's Note: Hello Children here's the next chapter… Binge eating and scaring on the fingers are actual signs/symptoms of Bulimia. I'm researching it online! I hope you're all enjoying this fic please read and review! Thanx!


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